Have you even criticized other people’s work/art? I know I have.
And sometimes we just criticize someone for having a new car or a house or perhaps something new and expensive.
But criticizing others is actually a form of self-critique. I will show you what I mean.
Let’s say you see someone having just bought a brand new, big car. Perhaps this car does not have the greatest fuel economy. A lot of people get upset about this and think: “What a selfish idiot! – How can you spend money on such a thing?”
If this is you, you are not just judging some poor guy who might be really happy about his new car, you are actually telling yourself “I can never enjoy that car!” You are installing a belief that this can never happen to you.
I’m not saying that all cars are great and that we should not care more for the environment. I’m just showing you how the critique affects ourselves.
If this car-example does not work for you, think about any other example in your life when you criticize people’s effort, purchases or life-style. Can you see that by “condemning” their choices, you have also robbed yourself of the opportunity to do anything similar?
What you criticize, you can not do yourself
If you talk bad about someone who just bought a new house, you are actually telling yourself you should not get a new house with all the reasons you just projected on the people who did. Because how could you do something that you don’t approve of? You might not think it is a big deal but your unconscious remembers everything you do, say and think and it will always come back to you sooner or later.
“Should I just approve of everything then?”
Well, of course not. But look at it this way:
The person who just got that car or the house or who just created something you don’t like, is not just going to change because you don’t like it. Why not be happy because they are happy and actually doing something they want to do?
Instead you might think something like:
“They must feel really god about themselves now. Nice!”
It will make you feel better. For example, look at a person’s face who is disliking something. Is that a happy, energetic and embracing face? No, it is ugly and contorted.
Then think about a happy, smiling, relaxed face. I don’t know about you but I know what I prefer.
Always happy?
It does not mean that we always have to positive and happy. In fact always being positive is quite a forced and unrealistic attitude disapproving of many sides of ourselves. But a happier attitude is still not a bad idea. In the end I believe more in being aware of ourselves and what is all means. Always being angry and annoyed with others means we are missing something in ourselves.
Because most of the time it is not that a person did some bad art or they did something wrong. It is that they did something that goes against our belief-system and/or taste. We much rather project this disapproval onto other people than looking at ourselves to see if this belief-system even is true. Perhaps we are wrong? Now, that most people would never like to admit.
Why do we care so much about what other people do?
Here is a technique I have learned at Integral Life that will show you what your judgment is really about:
- Notice when you don’t like something about another person.
Describe what it is you don’t like about another person.
For example, “This person talks too much. He/she really thinks he/she is so special and he/she never listens!” - Imagine a conversation with this person.
It does not matter if you don’t know the person. Don’t worry about if what you imagine is correct or not.
For example:
You: “Why do you always talk so much?”
Person: “I do? I did not know.”
You: “Yes, you always have something to say and you never listen!”
Person: “I’m sorry if I don’t listen but why don’t you interrupt me? I thought you liked to hear it because you never object. Tell me.
You: “Yeah, maybe I have not said anything before. I just get so frustrated because I feel you know everything and no one wants to listen to me.”
Person: “I would like to hear more what you have to say. Why don’t you tell me?”
Etc - Imagine you are the person you criticized.
Have him/her talk about you. For example:
“Samuel seems bothered lately. I wonder what it is? But at the same time he never says anything. I wish that Samuel would participate more. Maybe he is bored with me? I think Samuel has great potential if he only tried. But he seems mostly bothered and agitated.”
It is all you
Of course this exercise happens in your head only. All the voices are you but it still makes you think. Could it be that most relationship problems out there just happen in your head too? Did you project out your worries onto others? Maybe not. But it is possible.
Are you so sure that what bothers you about other people really is because of their actions? It could be that they are jerks but usually we don’t care about people behaving like idiots, we move on to more important things. If something really bothers you, it is usually because you are very invested in someone’s action. When you are not, you don’t care too much.
No critique?
Of course, some art and actions are not worth our praise and I don’t mean we should lie and say how great it is when we don’t think so. But why do we get so upset about certain things? Why can’t we just forget about it and move on? If something really bothers you, take it as an opportunity to understand why it makes you so upset. It will free you up; it will unblock yourself!
Let me know what you find. photo credit
Cheers!
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Hello! My name is Samuel and this blog is about "creativeness" and overcoming procrastination. Check out "about" for more info. You can also connect with me via the icons below. Enjoy your stay!
